06/21/2023: Still Just Getting Started

I’m feeling good today. Last time I was here at my regular place on a Wednesday morning, I dug deep and explored what I could potentially do moving forward. I dissected my ideas and gave them new life through deeper thought and more designated time. 

Since then I feel as if I’m more open to the creative process, and ideas have been flowing more willingly. I also decided to try to write instead of read in the mornings this week, and I swear my whole life has changed. I think it’s the best thing I’ve done on this journey so far this year. 

I’m going to have to step back and reevaluate my fitness journey slightly, which is honestly always discouraging when I’m in the middle of trying to get my momentum going again. I know my body is trying to tell me to take a minute to breathe now and then, and to not stop enjoying the journey. I know this will be okay, I just want to make sure I find the balance between being too nice and too mean to myself in this life I’m living. 

Back on the subject of creativity, I have edited and completed two stories and I have also written another - that I’m currently editing - within two weeks time. It feels like a switch just flipped or a dam just broke, because I feel like I’m ramping up to a similar level of productivity that I had when I started this writing venture. And that’s so exciting. 

I was recently afraid that the well was already drying up, that I would have to admit that I don’t have what it takes to continue. But I think I have been struggling to sequence my days in a productive order up to now, and it’s okay if I’m just now starting to figure that out. I have tried countless variations and I think the newest one is going to stick. 

When I’m hard on myself I try to remember how long I’ve actually been at this now. I have just now reached the four month mark. I haven’t even reached half a year yet. When I think of the things I’ve improved on in my life, I am reminded of how long it took me to embrace the new routine and lifestyle of all these things, and it makes me relax. I’m literally still just getting started.

I wonder what I’ll be feeling, what I’ll be writing a year from this very moment. It excites me to daydream about still being driven to see this passion through by then, and picturing how seasoned I might be after everything I have learned in a year’s time at that point in my life. It helps to have people in my corner who tell me that I have a knack for this. Even though a handful of people truly believe this and they tell me this much, I can’t help but stay humble, and barely believe it myself. But I’m grateful for their encouragement and support. I don’t know where I would be without it.