07/12/2023: Older and Wiser

I’m stopping into my favorite place for coffee and contemplation this morning before I set off for home for the first time since my worldly and nature adventures. I feel refreshed, ready to face the day, ready to keep moving forward with my plans for my life. Everything has just gotten better as time goes on, and that’s a new and amazing feeling. I’m only discouraged by the lull in my fitness journey as well as the lack of time Caleb and I have had to pursue our goals and interests. 

I know that life will always happen, that this problem will never fully go away, but I do know there is a balance in all things. I keep saying that this year is The Year of Boundaries. And I intend to stick to this to the best of my abilities. I do not exclude family or my closest friends from this new rule. If anything, or anyone, does not serve me positively, or at the very least neutrally, I will cease to pursue it from now on. 

I don’t even think I should allow neutral forces into my life either, on second thought. Neutral means stagnant, unchanging. It does not support or neglect me. It does nothing but take up space in my life that I could be using to nurture the things and people that truly matter. Why not maximize the amount of space I have for the best things? I’m chomping at the bit to make the necessary changes in my life to feel completely fulfilled. And if that means I have to stop doing things that cause me harm or discomfort or that I have to break ties with certain people and their ways of life, then that is what I will do. 

I’m a lot older and wiser now, even wiser than I was a year ago, now (almost). I don’t need the reassurance of others to feel whole (except my love) and I have stopped wasting time and tears on those relationships that have always been trivial or even toxic to my well being, knowing and realizing that they don’t have my best interests at heart and most likely aren’t even giving me a second thought. I do hope they are doing well and that they are finding their way, or at least on their way to finding their way with whoever is in their corner, with the love and support they need to get there. 

It’s hard to wish this for people who have done me wrong, but I do know, and can say that to some degree everyone deserves a place and a chance to reach fulfillment and stability, peace and happiness. Even if that means somewhere else, out of my life, with their own tribe of friends, family and supporters. I have to realize that even if I have nothing I can provide for the people that have come and gone from my life over the years, there are people and opportunities out there, somewhere, in the world for them, and the same goes for me. I can follow my path knowing this, and I don’t have to be hindered on my own journey.