10/30/2024: Jump. Sink. Swim.
Today I’m celebrating, enjoying, and looking forward to things. I woke up to the coldest October day so far, and a crisp and drizzly one at that. I’m having one of my first warm coffees of the colder seasons, and I was at the coffee shop first. The dim lighting and music sets a great lazy morning mood as the sun lazily rises, and yes, I see you barista for playing Twilight soundtrack tunes this morning on this fitting day.
I’m celebrating a productive week so far as I read and write my heart out in the midst of the crazy month filled with art and seasonal movies. I’ve enjoyed it all, but I am also ready to be finished with all the craze because though my excitement was high at the start of the month, my energy has struggled to match that excitement as the month goes on. As I wind down and prepare for the holidays, I also look forward to looking back on my accomplishments this year, to see how much I’ve done and to set new goals for the coming one.
Some days it feels like what I’m doing is normal, mundane. But on those days when I wake up eager to start the day, and I think about what I’ve achieved over the course of time after adopting this new routine and path, I feel an overwhelming sense of accomplishment and happiness. I have to believe that means something, because isn’t our happiness the most important thing?
The people around me that are droning on about managers and meetings as they hurry off to work won’t bring me down today. I’m determined to make this creative venture sustainable enough to get Caleb out of the world he feels trapped in and get him into the creative life by my side that we both crave so much it hurts. I wish, and sometimes hope, that some great wind of change will blow our way soon so that we will be forced to leave this life for the one that fulfills us both. At least it’s clear what we both want; we just have to jump, and after that we’ll just have to sink, or even better, we’ll just have to swim.
I’m also looking forward to our weekend cabin getaway in a couple days. It’s about time we escaped again, even if it’s only for two days. The burnout is real, and I know when the busy time of year comes around we’re always glad that we carved out a few moments to ourselves before things ramp up and the rest of the year passes us by. I look forward to no internet and all the nature. And though this place isn’t the old getaway cabin that I came to love so much, it’s a cozy place to run to, away from the city and from our day to day obligations. I look forward to the solitude and the time together.