I Always Knew

2/15/2023

***Disclaimer: This story was inspired by a prompt provided by Reedsy.com. Prompt is provided below. Visit their site https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/ to learn more.***

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Prompt: You’re sitting at your desk eating candy hearts. You start to realize the notes on the hearts are trying to give you a message.

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Valentine’s Day, 1995

The familiar sound of hard candy hitting the table fills her ears. She sits in her room, at her desk that faces the window and provides a view of the street. The bedroom is decorated with Backstreet Boys and Madonna posters, the CD tower in the corner full of the decade’s top hits. “Eternal Flame” plays lightly in the background on her stereo as the Zenith TV plays a Friends rerun on mute. On the bed with the New Kids on the Block comforter, a January issue of People Weekly Magazine is open to an article declaring Brad Pitt “The Sexiest Man Alive.” On her desk sits a phone, the see-through exterior revealing a rainbow of colorful parts inside. 

This was her childhood room, the place where she grew up and made so many memories. All she could think about now was how many hours she spent on the phone with him, talking well into the morning as young lovers often do, planning their next day of fun together. She used to lay on the bed with the latest magazine issue while he sat in the inflatable chair in the corner, playing music and watching their favorite sitcom. They loved The Bangles, and everything in between that defined their time. Everything in this room reminded her of him. She sighed and looked out the rain-streaked window pane. 

It was four years ago to the day that he was taken away from her, robbed of life long before his time. It was one of those young loves to be sure, all starry eyes and everything dreams are made of, but it was more than that. It was also a love that would last a lifetime. She knew it from the moment he asked her to dance all those years ago, two estranged childhood best friends who found their way back to each other that night back in high school.

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1980 

In fifth grade, she moved in next door to him, and they became fast friends over the next school year. Little did they know that this was as far as their friendship would go before she moved away the following year. She never told him how she felt. Kissing him goodbye that day, she never expected to see him again. Even if these two friends had found true love at age ten, it’s not like they could comprehend or understand the feelings they had for one another, and they didn’t even consider long distance an option. All they knew for certain was that things were going to change, and they wouldn’t be in each other’s lives anymore. They drifted apart and life eventually went on as the memories faded into another lifetime. Seven years passed by quickly, and she returned to her old school to finish and graduate with her former classmates. 

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1988

She was surprised when he finally approached her after almost two years of going to the same school together again. If he hadn’t sought her out at the dance, she would have never remembered her old friend. It was at the Cupid’s Masquerade Ball at school where she saw him again for the first time in years. She didn’t even recognize him at first; they were far from the young kids they once were, completely different. After he explained to her who he was, all the old memories came rushing back. He asked her to dance and the rest was a blur of reminiscing on their long lost friendship, of firsts and promises for the future, and a summer full of new love and memories. 

The summer flew by as they spent every waking moment together, cherishing the time they had before they would have to leave one another again. If they weren’t at the pool, they were passing the time in her room, talking and laughing while they listened to music and watched TV. They would go on dinner and movie dates and take the long way home, and spend hours sitting outside in his car in the front yard, her in his lap in the driver’s seat with his arms around her, as they looked up at the stars through the sunroof and listened to “Eternal Flame” while they talked about their future. When the day finally came for them to leave for college, both to different coasts, they realized that the distance was going to be hard to cope with, but they promised to always come back to their hometown on the day they got together every year, and this kept them going. Keeping contact through long distance phone calls, they never lost touch as they eagerly awaited their yearly meeting.

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“Hey love…I’m fine. Just missing you…”

“Same here…we’re still on for the 14th right?...(laughs softly) I know it’s a silly question…”

“I can’t wait to see you either…”

“I will…Be safe getting home to me…I need you and I love you so much too…See you soon…”

—

1991

On the third year, a week before the long-awaited day, she was looking forward to her cross-country trek home. She was busy making preparations, and she knew that he was too, so they didn’t have a chance to speak on the phone again before the road trip. The week flew by and before she knew it she was hitting the highway, windows down, “Eternal Flame” playing on the radio as she looked forward to seeing him again after so long.

It was on that third year that her mother came up the stairs to tell her that he wasn’t coming. His parents had come over that night to deliver the news. She couldn’t even begin to let herself believe her ears when her mother told her what happened. That was the moment her world was shattered. She couldn’t see past her tears, and her ringing ears couldn’t drown out her crying. Overcome by immense grief, the next week felt unreal as a whirlwind of condolences and burial plans passed in a blur, leaving her lost in a numb daze. She wouldn’t come to accept the tragedy for many days after the funeral. This just can’t be real, she told herself, certain that if she refused to accept it that it would cease to be true. 

— 

He had made a great deal of preparations, planning to pack up his belongings and drive cross-country, where he would meet her at home as planned with an unexpected surprise. He was going to tell her that he couldn’t spend another moment without her, and he was going to ask her to marry him. With a loaded Ford Ranger, a ring box and a letter, he hit the road, eager to make it home to her, to never be away from her again. He was driving through a dreadful downpour when he drifted off the road just a few miles out of town. He wasn’t going to make it. 

A box of belongings was given to her after the funeral. It was filled with items found in the truck after the accident. Seeing the box and imagining what it contained, she was certain that whatever was inside would be a harsh reminder of what she had lost. Locking herself in her childhood room and refusing to see anyone for days, she let the box sit on her desk, untouched. She couldn’t bring herself to open it at first. There were too many possibilities, too many things in that box that could be too much for her to bear. Time was all she needed. Time to be alone in her grief, to find some way to carry on. If only she could have had just a little more time with him…one more day, one more moment. She would have to take time instead to mourn. 

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On the third day of solitude, she decided to open the box. That day was a lot like this one, in her childhood bedroom at home, the rain streaking down the window pane in front of her. The box contained a teddy bear, chocolates and a box of Conversation Hearts. To her surprise, there was something else in the bottom, hidden beneath the Valentine’s Day gifts. With shaky hands, she pulled out a ring box and a letter. A wave of sadness washed over her, the kind that burdens the heart for a lifetime and defines you forever. Her hands were unsteady as she held the ring box. It felt heavy, as if it held all of her grief and burdens inside. Flashes of memories and things to come flooded the back of her eyelids. She sat there, all the while with eyes closed, clinging to the small velvet box tightly as tears ran down her face. Deciding that this was as strong as she was going to be, she took a deep wavering breath and opened the box.  

Where the ring would have been, there was a piece of candy instead. It was a Conversation Heart. It was chalky pink with faded red lettering. It said “Marry Me”. As sweet as the sentiment was, even from the grave, she looked at the contents of the ring box in confusion. She picked up the note addressed to her, hoping it might make things clearer. The paper was crumpled and folded and had his familiar handwriting. She clung to the last words he would ever say to her as she read the note:

I know this isn’t what you expected. I hope that you trust me when I say I was only thinking of you and I wanted this to be a complete surprise. I realized that I couldn’t be anywhere that you’re not any longer, so I packed up my things as fast as I could and drove all week long so I could meet you here and ask you the biggest request of your life, to be with me forever. I love you more than anyone else in this world, and I know I always will. What we have is one of those rare things that you can’t let slip away. I let you go once without telling you how I felt. I’m not going to let you slip away again like I did all those years ago. And even though I don’t have the means right now, I hope this gesture is enough for now, for me to be able to ask you if you would make me the happiest man alive by saying yes. I know the rest will come, and I’ll give you the life you’ve always dreamed of someday. But it all starts with you saying you’ll be mine. Happy Valentine’s Day my love.

Love, Me

P.S. Do you remember what I said to you that night at the dance? I always knew.

She clung to the paper, holding it against her chest as she sobbed, allowing herself to let it all in for the first time since the funeral, the reality of what she had lost and what she would never gain. 

“Yes,” she whispered aloud, to the crumpled paper in her hands and to her empty room. She made a promise that would never come to pass that night. The postscript he wrote made her think about what he said to her that night three years ago. As she sat in her room, reminiscent of her past and mournful for her future, she poured the contents of the Conversation Hearts box onto the table and savored each sweet message and bite as she promised herself she would do this every year in his memory until her love for him ran out. She knew at that moment that it never would. 

—

Present Day

Lost in her reverie, she came back to the present, to the same childhood room and the same dreary day. As she examined the contents of the Conversation Hearts she just emptied onto the table, something made her stop and stare in amazement. One heart in particular caught her eye, amongst the “Be Mine” and “You + Me” candies. Her breath caught in her chest. 

RMBR

Remember. 

—

Suddenly she was transported through time again. She was in a familiar hot pink satin dress with a decorative bow, with teased hair, frosted lips and neon eyeshadow that was visible underneath her white sequin masquerade mask. She was standing in the high school gym, by the bleachers with her friends, watching the partygoers dance under the light of a prismatic disco ball, waiting for someone to ask them to join the fun. As the opening notes of Eternal Flame begin to play in the background, someone catches her eye. 

As a boy slowly moves through the crowd, his eyes on her, she feels a tug at her memory, but can’t place the feeling of recognition through his elusive disguise. He was right in front of her now, donning a jet black tuxedo and a cummerbund that matched the shade of his sapphire mask. She could see his piercing blue eyes underneath the false face adorned with swirls of gold. She didn’t realize she was staring none too subtly at him as he tells her that they used to live next door to one another a lifetime ago, that they used to be best friends when they were kids. The feeling of recognition flooded her body, and she couldn’t believe how she could have forgotten the boy next door that she rode the bus and went to school with in fifth grade, before she moved away the following summer. She remembered how they used to play hopscotch and ride bikes together through their neighborhood when they were young. Completely unrecognizable now compared to what he looked like when they were little, she couldn’t believe how much he had changed. He wasn’t that scrawny kid anymore - all legs, oversized glasses and braces - and what he said next she would never forget. 

He told her that he had been working up the courage to talk to her ever since she returned to their school almost two years ago, but didn’t think she would remember him after all that time. He knew that this would be one of the last chances he’d get to finally do it, and he would regret it if he didn’t ask her to dance before they went their separate ways after graduation that summer. He told her that he didn’t know why, but he just had a feeling that somehow she was a part of his story. After this, she graciously accepted his invitation, leaving her friends by the bleachers as she made her way to the dancefloor with the boy that would become the love of her life. They danced the night away and never let go.

— 

The memories came rushing back, as they did every year, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was different this time. As she searched the hearts for another clue, she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. The words on the Conversation Hearts had changed. Rearranging the candy hearts, she was able to piece together a sequence of words that wouldn’t mean anything to anyone else but her. 

You were my story

She wasn’t sure how it was possible, but she knew that somehow he was trying to tell her that he was still with her. A wave of emotions washed over her as she got the prickling sensation that she was not alone. 

She looked out her window, through the rain and the darkness. And she saw him. He was wearing his black tuxedo with the sapphire sash that matched his deep blue eyes, but his mask was gone. Gazing upon her with a longing stare, he held his hand out as if offering a dance. She blinked hard through her tears in disbelief, and just like that, he disappeared. Although she tried to convince herself that she must have imagined it, the prickling sensation lingered. She looked through her reflection in the window pane, searching through the night, searching for what she felt was there. After a final glance, she shook her head, wiped her tears and put her head in her hands, shaking the feeling of his presence from her thoughts, from her room. A few moments later she found herself making her way over to her CD tower and pulling out a familiar favorite. The opening notes of their favorite song filled the room as she made her way back to her desk and sank into her chair. Sitting there, she looked down at the hearts scattered across the table and she read the words again. Except this time, there was one word that was different than before. Her heart skipped a beat as she read the words.

You are my story

And in that moment, she knew.

THE END

Song Credit

The Bangles - Eternal Flame