Anxious Reflections

***Disclaimer: I got this idea from Pinterest, an exercise where you write a 20 word sentence, then a 19 word sentence, and so on, ending the story with one word.***

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I don’t know why, but sometimes I feel like my awkward politeness comes off as disinterest or rudeness in public. 

I’m so scared of how I look and how I sound that when I make conversation it becomes awkward. 

Once I process all this, I suddenly panic about how weird or boring I must seem to others. 

And when I think I got the hang of it, some new factor brings forth another anxiety. 

I can’t even have one drink without my face flushing, and when I talk it’s worse. 

I plan steps ahead in a social interaction so I’m “ready” to answer a question. 

And as a result I sound ignorant and ill prepared as I fumble through. 

It takes so many encounters for me to start to acclimate to situations. 

And even more to feel like I can be normal around others. 

I’m sure a lot of it is overthinking, but it’s there. 

Always in the back of my mind, always a question. 

Maybe if I could hold eye contact long enough. 

Maybe if I didn’t always overthink these things. 

Maybe then I’d see a returned smile. 

Maybe I’d see others overthinking too. 

We’re really not that different. 

So I shouldn’t worry. 

And just be.

Be 100%.

Me.

THE END