02/13/2025: On This Lonely Road

I was sad for a silly reason today. After telling myself not to get my hopes up about something that was merely a creative opportunity for fun, I ended up being really disappointed with the way things turned out. But after further reflection, I think I understand that it’s more than that. 

That rejection made me realize that I’m sad that the one thing I’m trying to accomplish that I’m so passionate about is the one thing no one I know and love actually cares about. Of course I have the outward support of a few people, and some that are passively supportive I suppose. But the thing that gets me down is that no one is able to perform the act of reading to give me feedback on my work. I can’t help but wonder if I was making a video game if more people would offer to play it and give their opinion, or if I was pursuing art if more people would take time out of their busy lives to throw a compliment or word of encouragement my way. 

I know how pitiful that sounds, but these are the reasons being creative is quite an isolating existence, and it just so happens that the thing I love doing the most is probably one of the most difficult types of content to consume. It takes time, and it takes serious concentration, and I know how busy people are; they’re living their lives, same as me. But I think if I was able to talk about what I do more often to more people that would simply listen intently that I wouldn’t feel so alone in this endeavor. 

I spend all my spare time rooting for others, being supportive for everyone else and whatever thing they care about. And as good as it feels to give rather than receive, I crave validation and encouragement just as much as the next person. Just to know that I have people in my life to build me up when I need it most would be enough to bring me the joy I sometimes find lacking on this lonely road. 

I still fear in the back of my mind that people disregard my creative pursuit because I haven’t done anything major with it yet, and maybe they never thought I had a real shot in the first place. I just don’t want my efforts to be seen as a waste of time when it’s the one thing I always come back to, the thing I love that keeps me grounded in my life. 

Even if it remains my own personal hobby and nothing big comes of it, I still owe my life to the craft for showing me who I was meant to be all along.