08/30/2022: Getaway Day 2 (Nancy)
Oh, the peace the rain brings.
The smell of wet earth and the trees opens up my heart and soul. I’ve never felt so free in such a small space in the woods. Having only the essentials has freed me in surprising and amazing ways and I wish I could stay here forever.
I’ve been forced to reevaluate what I need out of life, and it turns out I don’t need much at all; the few things that matter most to me in the world fit into this cute little cabin in the middle of nowhere. Most importantly, the love of my life is here to share this eye and heart opening experience with me. Forcing ourselves into a smaller space together has proven to have a more positive effect on our moods and has lifted so much turmoil and anxiety out of our hearts and thoughts. I believe with less essentials come less obligations, and with less obligations come less stress and the need to rush throughout the day completely disappears.
I have had the chance to slow my mind and my countless fleeting thoughts I struggle with every day, and most importantly, I have been able to reconnect with my best friend and enjoy the simplicity of no plans and just the simple joy of his company. Getting away from the mundane day to day has brought back that sweet and lighthearted spark inside him that I’ve always loved. I don’t know if he knows how much that means to me, to see him genuinely happy, and enjoying my company. He has taken the weight of the world off of my shoulders, and I know this has caused him daily strife, not because he doesn’t want to support me (and us), but because he is not able to pursue his dreams and do what he loves; I know all too well what that miserable crippling experience is like, when you realize you don’t want to be a part of the rat race forever and just accept your station in life, miserable or not. I’d give anything to take this burden away, if it meant he could be this version of himself that I’ve seen over the past few days here that I’ve missed oh so desperately.
I don’t tell him enough how grateful and appreciative I am, and though he struggles with his demons daily, he still puts a smile on for me and he thanks me for everything I do, no matter how small. I know I can be better with my words and actions, and I swear to myself that I’ll try for the one I love most if it can bring him any peace and joy in our current situation. Yesterday, I saw a reminder light up across his iPad screen that said “Get her something/Take her somewhere,” and in that moment I realized how hard he’s trying. It was something so trivial and small in the grand scheme of things, yet that was all I needed to know that we’re going to be just fine.
Maybe living small the past few days and having less expectations of each other has enriched our lives in a way that will stay with us as we make our way back to our everyday lives. I don’t want to go back to life as I knew it before this trip. There is potential for change and improvement that I have seen here, and I’ll cherish every moment we spent here together. All in all, this trip was an unexpected adventure that I don’t think either one of us will, or will want to, forget.