03/01/2023: Goals

I’m finally getting it together after two long and busy months. I’m finally free to start a new workout plan, to eat right, and focus on things other than adult obligations. I didn’t start the year like I hoped, but I didn’t give up. I’ve set a new goal for myself that I hope I can reach before my trip at the end of May. But I won’t overdo it or be mean to myself to get there. 

I’ve learned patience and kindness with myself, and that is most, if not all, of the battle. I’m finally enjoying the journey; I can’t believe I found something I wanted to stick with. I’ve learned it’s all in the mindset; that is what changed for me. It’s a lifestyle now, no going back to where I was before. 

As far as my other goals, I hope that I can start to feel the same about my writing. I’ve accepted this is what I’m meant to do and I’m still loving it; I think I just hit a creative block and I’m trying to work through it. I know even the things we love don’t always come easy, and I’m not giving up. 

I’ve been enjoying reading and learning about things that might prove to be inspirational and useful. I’ve been learning different fantasy games (D&D and Magic) recently and this not only feeds my gaming nerd side of the brain, it also inspires me to think up my own fantasy stories. It has also given me something I can bond with Caleb over and I’m glad for that. 

I know I need to try to do more things that interest him. And maybe he’ll feel the same about doing things with me. I know he works hard and he’s tired a lot. I hope he really knows how proud of him I am and how grateful I am to have him. I just enjoy his company so much that I don’t even realize I never let him rest and recharge. I want to be better about these things. And I want to continue to be inspired by everything and pour my heart into reading, research and writing. 

Earning a sustainable living comes second to the initial passion, but I do hope I can earn some type of living from this path one day so that I could help Caleb out of his current situation. I rely so heavily on him and I know that causes pressure. I have to remind myself that he truly believes in me, and I’m in the perfect situation and position to thrive and possibly succeed in this field. 

No more doubts, no more excuses. I can’t afford to have those in any areas of my life, not now, not ever. I think I’m just tired this week, and the bleak weather and lingering season of winter has just been bearing down on me a little hard. I’m in an anxious, contemplative mood today. But I’ve still accomplished some good things. There’s always something good to be happy about, no matter what.