07/01/2023: Getaway Day 2 (Marie)
Day one is officially over. It usually takes a little while to settle in at the cabin after a long time of being away. I have to remember that though time is valuable here in nature, time is no longer of the essence. Once I realize there is nothing to rush to, and nothing to rush to do after that, I can finally open my mind and unplug.
Yesterday was a good first day, just starting off on the journey and getting back into that familiar cadence we fall into while we’re here. Taking that first big exhalation of relief as we breathe in the fresh air, and look up to a canopy of trees and clear blue skies.
When I come out here, I miss the luxury of being in the country, being outside of the busy city that I was convinced had so much promise when I was younger. I couldn’t wait to move away and to find my own opportunities. Looking back, I knew I needed to find some reason to leave home, no matter what that had to be at the time. Anything to get me away and on my own path.
Sometimes I wish things had been different, because the people I truly care about feel worlds away and nature calls my name and I can’t answer her. It does hurt to think about the important things I had to leave behind, and how much time I spent lonely and lost in the big crazy world when I could have been there making memories and staying in touch with nature. But I’m afraid of who I would’ve been if I stayed, and that’s why I am glad that even though it was hard and I’ve lost my way countless times that I set off to build a world of my own.
It took a while to find myself out here, but for the first time since I left I can truly say that I’m living the life I was meant to. I feel more like me than I ever have. I feel more sound of mind and at peace with myself and the world around me. I finally feel like I’m not wasting time and I’m not feeling lost in the dark like I was before.
These past couple of years have honestly been the greatest in my life so far, not counting all the amazing years I’ve spent with Caleb learning to love (including myself), grow and bring out the best in each other as we do what we love and enjoy being together.
Life has been quite an adventure so far, and I’ve changed so much. Change used to terrify me, but I recently realized that staying in one place forever was even more frightening. To not expand my mind and my horizons in life, to be stuck in the same mundane and close minded routines.
Although I’m sad that I left family and nature behind to find myself, I know I wouldn’t be where I am now. I wouldn’t have found nature again with more passion and vigor than before, and I wouldn’t be as much of myself when I see my family. I owe it to them to be who I am and to love with my newfound acceptance and overall being that I’ve become since I’ve been away.