07/26/2023: Things I Think in My Mind

I was a little apprehensive this morning about change and how inevitable it always is. I’ve been thinking about how challenging the past couple of months have been and how to best get back into the normal routine that I have come to love and thrive in. We’ve just been busy seeing the world, recharging, seeing family and enjoying some leisure time in between when we get the chance. 

When things are hectic it’s hard to have energy to pursue other things, including fitness. It feels like the calendar is finally clearing up ever so slightly, so I know that now is my chance to get back on track before the upcoming holiday season. I look forward to things being normal for a while, the possibility of seeing old friends and the time I’ll get to spend with my love for the next little while before things ramp up again. 

We’re in need of more than just downtime in general, we desperately need time to reconnect and to work on us. Life gets in the way all the time, it can’t be avoided. That’s why it’s so important to go back to the basics from time to time, and to remember what we do this for. To remember the things we love about each other. 

It sounds silly, the notion of forgetting that you love someone after almost ten years, but it’s so easy to get comfortable in our roles and to push the thoughts aside for other things that life demands of us. It’s scary how quickly we can fall back into the submissive and distracted mindset. That’s why I value every opportunity to unplug, unwind, and remind myself why I’m here. 

I know I can do better about expressing myself. I guess I think that just because I think things in my mind that are true that it’s enough for him to know how much I care. But no one is a mind reader and I try to be better. Above all I want to ensure the windows of communication remain wide open, because as long as we are both able to set our differences, and sometimes pride, aside to get to the root of the problems and struggles we face, I know we are going to be okay always. 

I have no doubt about where I belong, and I still believe that this love that I have now is going to be it for me. No one would ever be able to replace my best friend in the whole entire world. I would give myself to ensure that he is safe and that he lives a long, happy and healthy life. I fear without me he may not believe he is strong enough to live for me, but I really hope if something did happen to me first that he would find it in himself to continue on the path to betterment and self actualization. 

If he goes first, I want to honor his memory and our love by doing the same. I want to stay on the path, to remember and celebrate him and our love daily, and to be left alone by the rest of the world who doesn’t understand that our love only comes around once in a lifetime and I do not wish to seek an alternative or replacement.