09/06/2023: My Love

Last night was a great night. Lately me and my love have spent countless nights laying in bed and just talking forever. We laugh and goof around, we talk about serious stuff, and we talk about plans to improve and to battle our inner demons. Somehow, even after almost ten whole years together, we manage to learn new things about each other, whether it’s the secret way I stick my tongue out at my reflection in the mirror when I’m drunk or darker matters, like what is taking up space in my love’s mind. 

I know he is burdened and tormented in ways that I am not, and I know he spends most of his time in his head, afraid to share the darkest parts of him and his thoughts. I wasn’t sure how listening would feel, but after letting him open up about his thoughts and struggles to me, I think we both felt better, and somehow I feel even closer to him and I don’t even know how that’s possible. 

We continue to surprise each other in unexpected ways as time goes on, and it’s something no one else I know has. I know I’m the lucky one. My love and I have stood the test of time, and continue to get better in so many ways. I don’t know what I’d do without him. I can’t imagine it and I don’t want to. When it does cross my mind, I can’t help but feel like this life will never be long enough. 

There’s no one else worth doing all this for if I have to do it alone. We often talk about the mundane stresses of life and how easy it would be to leave it all behind. It’s all so trivial. That’s why it’s so important to us to do what we want to do in the short time we have to do it. If it doesn’t matter in the end, then we might as well do what we love, and be selfish with our time and picky with where we choose to expend our efforts and invest our energy. 

We agree that it isn’t about leaving a lasting legacy - eventually despite the human race’s best efforts, we will all be gone. And all the material things - things we take for granted, everything we’ve created - won’t be coming with us. Maybe it would be different if you could take it all with you. Maybe everything would matter more and it would be worth putting time and energy into. But that’s not how the current world works. So I’m content for now to keep doing what I’m doing with my best friend. 

He has no idea how amazing he is, and how much seeing him smile - and I mean really smile - really means to me. When he smiles, I see a glimpse of that carefree and happy soul that he was before the world got its grip on him. I hate the world for making him feel so lost in the darkness. I know all I can do is be there, and listen and just take care of him when he needs it the most. He has no idea how much I love him.