09/27/2023: To My Friend
It’s been a couple weeks. I had a nice trip with a friend I haven’t seen in a year. It was a great couple days, catching up and having a girl’s trip together. I don’t have any friends near me that would go to nature with me and do that kind of thing. I don’t like going and doing things too often, so that’s okay. It just means I cherish it more when it does happen.
We talked, we laughed, we recharged in nature; it was a much needed escape, and I can’t wait to bring my love to the same place. It was quaint and charming, and my first yurt experience, which was cool. I enjoyed passing the days there, and like every getaway trip I take, it felt too short. But I didn’t want to push it; my friend and I luckily worked out our differences and have since grown stronger, but I didn’t want to strain the new bond with a prolonged trip together like last time.
We have both since made amends for the two week visit, and agreed that was probably too high of expectations for our first time spending consecutive days together. I know I was more uptight - even a year ago - and there were things that should have been or even should have not been said, but I don’t think about that anymore. I’m not embarrassed and angry every single day like I was when I spent my days beating myself up for any mistake I made in that situation.
My friend and I had some deep talks, about life and ourselves, and she told me I’ve changed. She meant it in a good way, and she believes we went through that struggle so we could come out on the other side as better friends. I have to say I agree. It makes me happy and hopeful that people can see the growth I’ve gone through and all the positive changes I’ve been striving to make in my life. It means I’m on the right track.
I don’t think my friend understands that I had very few examples of good friendships in my life, and most of my experiences ended badly, at least for me. I never spoke up for what I wanted, always expected good things, and good people to come to me because I was a good person. I know that’s not how it works now, and I also know that no matter what you do right by a bad friend, their true colors will eventually show, and it won’t be your fault that those relationships come to an end, no matter what they try to manipulate you into thinking so they don’t have to take blame.
I don’t think my friend knows how much I appreciate her honestly, as much as it initially hurt, because I have never been shown maturity, nor have I been treated with the dignity and respect I deserve as a friend, as a human being. I have grown because of this, and I’m glad we’re able to check one another and make each other better people because of our bond. I’m grateful for people like her in my new life.