12/20/2023: Fire
I think stress will inevitably be the death of me. I’m not at my best today because I gave everything yesterday to get so much done. I can definitely tell I’m paying the price for it. Hopefully it’s just a small one off thing that will pass before we celebrate Christmas with family. I’ve been preparing for it for weeks now, and I’d hate for the trip to not be what I want it to be, and to let anyone down, especially since it’s our last visit for a little while.
I’m excited to give my gifts and my time this year. I haven’t even thought about what I’m getting; it’s of the least importance to me this year. It just isn’t the most important thing at the end of the day. I want to be someone worthy of receiving, but I don’t wish to receive. This year I’ll just be content with making more lasting memories to take with me on the next chapter of my journey.
Reality will set in a little more in the next couple of days, when we officially get our new place. It will be a comfort to know we have a place to go. So the next step is paring down our worldly possessions and waiting for the moving company to get our stuff packed, shipped and unloaded at our new home.
It’s all coming together, and I know it’ll all be alright soon. But it’s a hard road getting there, that’s for sure. But I think it’ll be rewarding when it’s all done. I hope I can make it through the emotional trials that I know will come with this visit. It’s going to be hard. That’s why I want everything to be as perfect as it can be.
After Christmas, I look forward to going and spending my love’s birthday and New Year’s in our favorite piece of the woods, one last time. As of today I will be finished with my work year, and all the goals I set have been met. I’m over the moon. I don’t know the last time I set a goal and attacked it as eagerly as I did my writing goals. This venture has lit a fire inside me, and I’ve had such a blast on this journey of self discovery and content creation for myself.
Of course I want something to come of my hard work, but I’m not in a hurry for the first time in my life. I want to keep enjoying this adventure, and whenever, and if ever something comes from it, I will be happy. I don’t think I ever understood doing something for its sake and for my well being before I reconnected with writing. And it’s been the best realization and probably one of the best years of my life, if not the absolute best if I’m honest.