12/29/2023: Getaway Day 2 (Wilfredo)
Despite being sick I’m so glad I’m here. The fresh air and isolation definitely helps distract me from my mundane ailments.
Looking back on some of my other reflections here from my first time, I see that things that opened my eyes initially have come to fruition since I was here before. I’ve been inspired to enjoy the simple things more, and the moments of silence and stillness in between.
When life gets crazy, as it often does, I find myself taking a deep breath and calming my overactive mind. When I catch a moment of pure silence, I embrace it as the moment passes just as quickly as it came. I’ve tried really hard to improve my thoughts and well being, for not only my sake but that of my love, so that I can be his constant when he needs it most.
I’d like to think that I’ve been better about showing and telling him how much I love him, but I’m afraid I still don’t show or say it near enough. I’m aware of it at least, and things seem to only get better. But I know I can still improve in so many areas.
My default is to fall into the mess of things when life gets busy, and when I realize how much time has passed since I gave him my time and affection, I always feel sad. I’ll think that I’m not wasting a single moment, but in reality while I was distracted by the busy world in which we live, I realize I forgot to steal a glance or say how I feel about him out loud. I seem to get in my own way when the solution is plain and simple. I don’t know why. All I know is that I love my life with him in it. He enriches it more than he knows, and he is sweeter and more loving than he knows, more than anyone I know.
When I’m out here, I observe him as he carries on, cooking breakfast and taking care of me when I’m the one who should be doing it. Sometimes I feel like he is the most selfless when I’m at my most selfish, and it makes me want to do more, to be better for his sake. I know I’m sick, but he doesn’t feel well either, plus this is not only our last getaway out here, but it’s also his birthday this weekend. I hope to feel better so I can lift his spirits on his special day.
He deserves to be loved and celebrated each day, and I want him to know I’m his biggest fan and that he deserves more praise than he gets. He really has no idea how much he means to me, and how much I want for him to have the world, because he has been unwaveringly selfless for me so many times I’ve lost count.