07/10/2024: Such is Life

Today is the first day back to normal. And just two weeks from now we’ll be doing it all over again. I am glad to spend time with family and friends, but I’m also glad that my love and I get some time together after two long weeks of traveling and hosting.

This past week I have struggled with the thought of being a good person. I know that I care a lot, and I do my best to show it as often as possible. Most of the time I am kind with no expectation of appreciation or gratitude from others, but when my rope is frayed and I’m at its end, I can’t help but think how nice it would be to be acknowledged for what I do - and I don’t mean my love. He’s always great to me and he knows when I need that love and recognition and I’m so grateful for that. 

I know that’s all that matters, that we’ve got one another’s backs, but sometimes the people in the world who carry on in a selfish or oblivious manner really get to me. I recently received some bad news that could have been life threatening, and I found out on social media. I think that I was understandably bitter about this. These people were going to be my family once upon a time, and to find out something like that in that way really hurt me, despite any distance that has grown between us over the course of time. 

But being who I am, the first thing I felt was guilt for the times that I may have fallen short or not reached out before I realized you can’t force a strained relationship. Our journey together was never an easy one, and I do care for her and her family, but it’s not something I can force. 

It really is strange how we come to know people, under what circumstances we get pushed together. Such is life, and what we have - or don’t have - is just what it is. Needless to say I’ve learned another lesson about life, about family and friendship.

I did cry about it, but I’ve shed my last tear and I choose acceptance. Acceptance of what is, and acceptance of who people are. I can’t be expected to be my unhindered self if I’m hindering the people I care about who are striving for the same. So I’ll take this lesson and I’ll continue on my way.