07/17/2024: Debts and Daydreams

I find myself desperately wishing for the few things that would make my life complete. The problem is always time and money no matter what we do though, so for now my love and I are stuck. 

Due to not knowing what we wanted or where we were going, we’re still fighting against past debts and career paths that have long lost their luster. And like always, there’s no quick and easy escape. The crazy part is that I’d be willing to go into debt one last time to achieve the life of our dreams. 

With our other unwanted debts gone, all that would be left would be the things we want, and I can’t help but wonder if those debts would feel less burdensome and heavy because of this. A part of me sees no way out right now while the other pictures us working book and art store jobs living the tiny house dream, doing a fun easy job by day and doing what we love by night: art and writing. 

Sometimes I can see it so clearly it hurts when I come back to reality, because my love is hurting a lot right now. And like always I can’t take that pain away from him. But the wheels keep turning faster and faster these days, and we have accomplished a lot this year. We’re mere months away from being debt free by thirty, something we gave up on before an opportunity fell into our laps earlier this year. And with this feat being accomplished, our future is slowly becoming more plausible and I can see it clearly. 

We also went to a tiny house festival last weekend and that only fueled our daydreams more. For the price and the lifestyle we would be adopting, it’s such a tempting deal. But to make the leap there would be some difficult first steps, and we still don’t know where we want to be. But I suppose if our home is on wheels it can go wherever we go until we find that place, a place that we call home. 

I told my love that home isn’t something I’m going to find out in the world, because home is really wherever my love is, and wherever we can be happy and also be free. Of course I have a few desired destinations, but I’m content going anywhere and doing anything as long as I have him by my side. The idea of being untethered more than half the time sounds appealing; I’d live 75% on the road, chasing our dreams and seeing the world so long as we had a quaint home base to come back to for the rest of the time. Either way, I think something is about to, and has to, give.