05/03/2023: Gratitude

I had a great start to this month. This week has had a more positive tone, and I feel tons more motivated as I face each day. I feel more alert, more hopeful, and more fulfilled after a full day. It makes me appreciate the down time at the end of the long days, makes me feel like I deserve time to be mindless and to just exist. 

I’m trying a new fitness routine this week, adding a little more challenge and intensity to compensate for the weight loss I’ve achieved as of late. I’ve smashed two goals so far, truly three: get to two hundred pounds by Christmas 2022, get to one hundred ninety eight pounds before my Scotland trip (May 2023), and complete a one year/fifty two week streak with Peloton (May 2023). I’m over the moon and I’m ready to gain even more momentum as I continue on this health journey. 

I’m reading more and realizing how desperately I was missing that from my life. Enjoying some peace and coffee in the morning after a rewarding workout helps to prepare me for the rest of the day. 

I’m about to succeed in completing my first language learning course in my whole life; this will be the first course that I have seen through to completion and I can’t wait to celebrate that before I go on my trip of a lifetime. 

I’ve been revisiting my writing and dissecting it to come back and make it better. I enjoyed the afternoons this week as I listened to music and tried to push myself as a writer. During this period of inspiration consumption, it’s nice to revisit my old works with fresh eyes and challenge myself to think bigger and better about my ideas in hopes there might be a future book or two within the short stories I’ve written this year. 

My life is feeling pretty well balanced and pretty full now, and I’m grateful. My mental health continues to improve and positively compliments my relationships in life. I’m reading a book about an actor who talks about his life as he tackles an epic nature walk challenge through the Scottish Highlands, and some of the things he says have stuck with me. The thing that comes to mind is his struggle to be comfortable in his own skin, to learn to enjoy his own company as he skirted the sidelines, not wishing to be in the spotlight completely. 

I relate to this on so many levels. Looking back, all that mattered to me was hiding from the world and receiving approval and gratification from others. Looking at how far I’ve come and reflecting on my mindset today, I can see that I’m comfortable being me, and I thrive when I’m doing what I love without needing anyone else's approval. This is the closest I’ve gotten in my life to being self actualized, and I can’t wait to see where I am even next year, but especially years down the road from now.