10/18/2023: The Winds of Change
My mind is all over today. We’re either on the cusp of something completely and utterly new or something that could make our current day to day even better with minimal change. I’ve never gone on a life adventure that would involve leaving my home permanently. I’ve always come back, and I’ve always been close.
It’s not like my family is all that close these days, but they would still have to be considered if we were to take that leap. All I know is people I care about aren’t getting any younger, and I don’t want to bring on the inevitable by leaving. I know it’s a silly notion to think I’d be responsible for something happening just because I moved away - as humans, we find coincidence anywhere we can, a pattern in the events that unfold around us. I guess in a way it would be easier to see a correlation to a clear answer as to why terrible and unexpected things happen to us and around us.
On the other hand, I know that I’m still young, still able to go on adventures and enjoy life to the fullest with the future before me; I know my older family members have done all their living, and I don’t think they would begrudge me for wanting to live while I can. That’s not the issue. The issue is how much they’ll miss me, how much I’ll miss them.
I’ve never been more than a phone call and three hours away; if I leave, I will be a phone call and over ten hours away. I can still get home in a day, but it won’t be as simple as packing a bag and hitting the road. But I know we’d have the means to get me there as soon as possible, even if we were further away.
There are countless pros and cons, and I guess we have to sort those out just in case. The hard part is that we have to be ready for the least ideal scenario to even accept the most realistic scenario, which has gotten my nerves all stirred up. I don’t know how to prepare for a big move just to stay where we are, and vice versa.
I guess all that practice to become a realist is starting to come in handy. I can see the wind blowing either way. I just have to be ready to adjust the sails, to set a course for what is right for the both of us. It could be what we need right now, to set off on a new adventure, but it could also be fine to stay put. I know that my home is where my love is. Of course I love my family, but I am truly lost without him. Anywhere with him will be an adventure, and no matter what we do I know I just want to be by his side.
I guess we’ll know soon if all this worry was for nothing or not. Here’s to the potential for something new, or the potential to grow where we’ve finally established roots.