10/25/2023: Heads Dallas, Tails Colorado

My headspace is a little more clear today. I’ve had a week to digest the possibility of starting a new chapter - a new adventure - in our lives. I’ve gone home, talked to friends and family, and since then have received more solid and concrete information. Now it seems as if Plan C is slowly becoming Plan A.

I think we will still start with Plan A - staying here - but at this point I wonder if it’s just for curiosity’s sake, to see what life would be like if we stayed. A mutual friend of ours told us it would be a shame to miss out on a great opportunity, and I’m starting to think that he’s right. What if we don’t get another chance like this? Why can’t we enjoy a better quality of living in a new and exciting place? 

The more I think about Plan A, the more I’m unsure of defending the shallow roots we’ve established in the bustling city of Dallas. I’ve said it many times over the last week: I love the little nest we’ve built and the simple routine we’ve come to know, but I hate everything else. It’s a corporate and chain wasteland; there is no character and people are none too nice just as much as they are nice. 

I don’t like that people make me uncomfortable or upset over just driving. I have also thought a lot about how money isn’t everything. Yes, this statement carries a lot of weight…for someone who is free of debt and already living their dream. We aren’t quite there yet though, even though we’re getting closer every day. Until I see it through, that is my life goal. Right now, money is essential to move and to pay down our debts, so it’s hard to convince myself that it isn’t everything. 

I think it fluctuates with life’s ups and downs. All of this to say, quality of life matters too. If we make more here and complain about the day to day - save for the few things we love and cling to - will our life feel any more enriched? And if we move and go on this new adventure and still manage to make more - while also opening up the possibility of finding infinite new things to do and enjoy - will we feel more enriched than if we stayed? Is uprooting worth it? Moving again and establishing a new normal in a new city?

I’m starting to be less afraid of the second scenario. Yes, family is a factor, and so are friends. But more often than not as humans we default to doing what’s best for us. Though we value other opinions, especially those from people we are close to, we cannot hold ourselves back from living and bettering our own lives. I think if that’s selfish, then everyone and everything they want is selfish. Maybe it’s not a bad thing to be. Or rather, maybe being selfish when it comes to oneself is actually selfless after all. With life as short as it is, I think I deserve a little slack to do what feels right for me, for us.