02/14/2024: Homesick

I came back to the coffee shop I was at the last time I wrote. I found a comfier chair this time so maybe I can relax and spend a little more time here this go around. I still have lots of places I can try, but I’m still a little nervous about venturing too far alone for now. 

Definitely a lot more people here. In a way I think more people make me more conscious of how little my circle is. I know that’s fine, but at the same time I hope I’m not giving off any unapproachable vibes. I think in time I’ll feel less weird and I’ll meet a lot more of my neighbors in the building and might go to more community events.

The idea is exciting, especially because no one else I truly know is here. There are a few familiar faces, but half of them are new and the other half are a mixed bag of closeness and familiarity. I guess time will tell on those. 

I had a really rough night the night before last. Everything finally hit me, and I realized I missed everything and everyone. I don’t know how long I cried, but all I know is that the weight never lifted and I was truly sad. Yesterday was the same. I slept through the morning just so I could get through the day. An unexpected call from my cousin was a nice surprise. I didn’t realize I needed to talk, to tell someone besides Caleb how hard things have been.

Today, the weight felt a little lighter as I look forward to spending the night with my love, out on the town in our new city. I couldn’t do this without him. In fact, I did this for him, for us. I know we need to grow, and this was a perfect opportunity to do just that and put distance between us and all of life’s distractions. I just hope people still know I care.