07/24/2024: It’s About Time

I’m really tired today but happy to be here in my favorite place. After being busy for about a month straight, we’re finally getting a little break. But now the summer is pretty much over and that does make me a little sad. 

I swear we just got here yet we’ve been here for half a year already. I didn’t think I’d get used to a new place so fast, and I hate that it’s in my nature to adapt quickly to the point where the extraordinary becomes ordinary. 

We’ve barely even scratched the surface of what this city has to offer, and I don’t even know if we’ll stay here long enough to explore half of it. I may be somewhere else, making my dream a reality in another town. But I don’t know what’s really down the road, and I have no idea how much time I have. It’s overwhelming to think about yet I can’t stop spinning my wheels on the matter. 

Every second I spend not planning for this desired future I feel is a waste, but every time I do think and plan, I can’t help but feel that it may be futile to hope for something better, at least in the near future. I don’t see how other people just manage to have it all. How on Earth did they get there, and how are they content with the lives they first chose or renounced everything for? 

Most people seem happy with their stuffy corporate jobs, over the moon to start and have a family, and to have everything they want despite being in debt for eternity. And when I think about what I want, I know that none of that speaks to me personally. 

Sometimes I feel like I’m the only person in this simulation that’s different, like I’m defective and that’s why I can’t settle for what everyone else deems important in their self important lives. But I know I’m just a creative soul that is finally free. 

I’ve lived paycheck to paycheck, I’ve enjoyed riches and debts just like the next person, but I didn’t start feeling fulfilled until I learned the importance of self care over material wealth, and how freeing it felt to step away from all the things that make this crazy world go round. 

If everyone else on the planet can have what they want, then it’s about time for me to have what I want too. And it shouldn’t matter what that looks like, or how it differs from other people’s vision of happiness. I’m not here to serve them or conform to their needs. I’m here to love myself, and to pursue my own version of destiny. 

If that fits the mold by some stroke of luck somehow, I can guarantee that it will be by accident. Everything I do, I do it for me, myself, and I, and most importantly my love.