10/09/2024: On Time For Nothing At All

Yesterday I got the rare privilege of taking a whole day to do absolutely nothing of importance at all. I didn’t realize I needed it until every little obligation and annoyance finally got the best of me. These are the times that I realize I put too much pressure on myself all the time, and that I have to slow down and reassess once in a while to stay sane. 

As I get older I’m forced to acknowledge my abnormal obsessive tendencies for what they are, and I realize that sometimes I may not be as in control of my behavior as I think. It’s not unmanageable, but I can tell that there’s something more at play when I hyperfocus and I have the same unwanted and repetitive thoughts for hours and days on end. It’s hard for me to lie down at night without obsessing over the next day’s events, to the point where I lose hours of sleep. 

I’m hard-wired to be an intense planner, and things usually have to be “just so” for me to feel like things are going smoothly. So when I woke up with the intention of just existing for a whole entire day, I felt a stillness of mind that I never allow myself to feel. I didn’t have to worry about bills or dishes or being on time for anything except for nothing at all. I have Caleb to thank for my brief reprieve from our day to day, and I’m grateful I was able to take the time to recover. 

I realize that even if we’re doing well, even if we’re happy and fulfilled, self care is still so important when you get the chance to partake in it. It’s unique to everyone, how much we need and how we practice it, but we all strive to achieve the same result. We hope to center ourselves in the lives we’ve built, to find a place in the midst of it all to escape and to come back to our true selves. 

I look forward to getting back in the groove for the rest of the week, and I look forward to seeing our dear friend this weekend. We miss Texas a lot for many reasons, and not being able to see him every week is strange and we miss him and our other friends and family a lot too. But soon we will be back there to see everyone and to celebrate a wedding and the Thanksgiving holiday, and soon after that we’ll be back again to celebrate Christmas. I look forward to what the rest of the year brings.